![]() She did but now I don't think I can live with the guilt about what I've done. And I 'grieved' and I manipulated situations so that she would see my suffering and help, support and love me. Once I said she was dying I carried the lie on. The fact that she thinks something when it's so untrue is destroying me. She thinks that I'm this amazing person when the truth is the opposite. She thinks I'm this incredibly strong young woman, who's coped with her mum's death, teaches full time and looks after her four brothers. So, it's like my life has now become a lie. I gave her letters that I'd written to my 'dead mum' I cried in her classroom. Obviously I got more support, but I found that it wasn't enough, so I started to seek out more love from her. My colleague got more supportive and I started to behave more badly. After a few months I said that she was terminal. Instead of saying she was getting better, I said that she was getting worse. When my mum started to get better and then after a year was told she was in remission, I couldn't face the idea of losing this love and support from my colleague. But then I fucked up, I liked the love and care and attention too much. It felt so good to have someone looking out for me, someone caring about me, with no strings attached. ![]() This lady saw that, she saw that I needed mothering and she did that for me.Īt first, this was fine. I was having a hard time, my mum was really sick, my brothers still needed looking after and I was trying to look after them all and keep working full time. They were supportive, but in particular, one colleague kind of adopted me. Eventually, someone at school found out, and said that as employers they would be supportive etc. During my first year of work my mum got breast cancer. I was, and am completely loved but maybe not in the way that your child should be? I'm not blaming my mum at all, it's just the only way I understand it.Īnyway, I'm now 23 and work as a teacher. This doesn't necessarily impact on the story of what I've done but it's helped me to try and understand myself better, and try to understand why I did what I did. ![]() Growing up my life was hard and I supported my mum, bringing up my brothers like an equal rather than like a child myself. My brothers have lots of difficulties, including autism, ADHD and ODD. I'm one of five siblings, the only girl, and my mum is a single parent. I'm going to tell you because I don't know what I have to lose.
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